How mental health impacts our family relationships
Mental health difficulties are far more common than you might think. Statistics show that 20% of us at any given time are dealing with some kind of mental health concern. It could be mild to moderate depression, anxiety, or something more serious that warrants attention from a professional. Don’t be afraid to get help because it doesn’t just impact you. It impacts everybody around you.
Families are systems. When mental health impacts the system, it’s kind of like dropping a pebble in a pond and watching ripples go out in waves. It could start with someone not having the energy to make dinner, so somebody else must do it. Maybe another doesn’t have the energy to wash the clothes or clean the house, and someone else must do that, too. Or in some instances, it could be that chores are all someone is doing, not realizing the impact it has on other people.
It matters how we deal with mental health issues in the context of family. If we ignore our own struggles, how will that inspire family members to deal with theirs? When mental health issues go unaddressed, the impact can be unpredictable. People can experience a deterioration in relationships that may lead to the end of those relationships, including divorce, loss of employment, and a loss of support. The impact can be wide ranging and emotionally devastating.
One of the biggest impacts of untreated mental health challenges within the family is the message it sends. It tells people, “I care about you, but I don’t care enough about me to take care of myself.” It’s a common myth to believe you can handle these challenges on your own. You may reflect on your strength and think you can manage your depression and anxiety without outside help. The reality is, it’s normal to need help now and then. Maybe it’s a conversation with a friend or a pastor. For others who are really struggling with mental illness, it’s the same as struggling with a physical illness that’s gone too far. Go see a professional; talk to your primary care doctor or a behavioral health provider.
Seeking help is healthy and normal. It sets the example as part of a family system that getting help is okay. When we catch a cold but don’t slow down to heal, it can get worse and turn into bronchitis. The same thing happens with mental health. When we’ve got a mild mental health issue, maybe we’re stressed and we’re not dealing with it, it can fester and lead to depression. At some point that will be much more difficult to get out of.
Untreated mental health challenges can also impact your body. When you’ve got anxiety, depression, or something else, and you don’t take care of it, eventually, your body’s going to have an adverse reaction and have a negative impact on your physical health.
It can feel overwhelming to look for help. Trying to find a counselor can be a very stressful experience. There may be concerns over insurance and if it will be someone you can relate to. The best place to start is with your primary care provider, and Providence has behavioral health providers in most primary care clinics. Remember, not every counselor is a great fit for every person. It’s not unusual to feel like a connection is missing. That’s not about you. That’s about that relationship. You will get the most out of therapy when you are working with someone who makes you feel heard and valued. It’s more important than their approach to therapy or any other professional aspect.
Sometimes, it’s a family member who is struggling with a mental health issue. If you are worried someone you love might be struggling with anxiety or depression, the biggest thing you can do is to start a conversation. Ask them how they are feeling and be prepared to listen. The pandemic has been stressful. Relationships have been difficult to maintain and it’s not uncommon to struggle with feelings of anxiety and depression, or just feeling out of sorts. We haven’t been able to have our normal social contacts and social cues. So more than ever, it’s important to have these conversations with our loved ones.
Finally, let’s talk about kids. This pandemic has been stressful on kids, especially high school and college students. It’s hard to be a student and not be able to do the things that you would normally do. Now more than ever, if you see signs of depression, such as a loss of interest in things they usually enjoy, over-sleeping, not engaging, not wanting to take a shower or change their clothes every day, it may be time to start a conversation or make an appointment for them to speak with someone.
The bottom line is this: if you’re concerned somebody is having a mental health problem, they probably are. Do something. You are not alone.